Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
So apparently I’m into choking now
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
