you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
