Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Randomize
