I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
