Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
