we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
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