i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
