were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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