She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
