I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
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