awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
