I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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