I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
The air was thick with penises
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
