My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
