We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
