..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Randomize
