Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
