my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
