can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
