I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
