3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
