In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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