apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
