Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
