no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
