I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
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