i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Randomize
