I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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