I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
