She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
