Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
