I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
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