My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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