she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
