man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I still have a little drunk in my system
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
