I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
