I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
