I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
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