Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
