woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
