I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
