I wish my penis had an off switch
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
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