you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
