Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
