Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
And then he peed in my hair
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