ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I can't turn off my feet"
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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