i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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