I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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