I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
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