It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
