I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
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