My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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