My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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