Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
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