I think i sorta joined a cult last night
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize
