I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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